Superbi Squalo Case Files
by Darth Atlanta
Summary: Dear Diary, what in the world is going on? Squalo seems to be in trouble, and has come to us for help? - Tsuna
1. Chapter 1

Greetings.

This story is set sometime before the future arc, in one of those rare moments when everything isn't going crazy.

That being said, there are elements I've made up, so don't worry if you read a section and don't remember it being in the manga/anime or if it contradicts either.

I also rated it M because it has some swearing, and... I'd rather be safe than sorry. XD

Well, I'll shut up now and let you read!

...

Squalo grabbed Chrome's arm just as she tried to sneak out Tsuna's back door. She stopped but she didn't turn around to face him. Squalo gritted his teeth and tried his best not to yell his next words,  
>"He's using you."<br>Chrome shook her head slowly. Squalo's frown deepened and he snarled. _Why couldn't she see that Mukuro didn't care about her? He'd dispose of her first chance he got if she wasn't required for his existence in the world beyond his Vindice cell.  
><em>"No... Master Mukuro is really a good person, everyone just can't see past..."  
>"See past what? What?" Squalo couldn't control his anger. This Mukuro guy pissed him off at the best of times, and for some reason, hearing her call him 'master' was really irksome.<br>"Hey, who's yelling?" _Crap,_ thought Squalo, _it's that Tsuna kid. _  
>"It's Squalo, Boss! I'd recognise that voice anywhere!" <em>And his bloody lapdog, Gokudera<em>.  
>"Y'think so, Hayato-san? Sounds a bit too...girly to be Squalo." <em>What? WHAT DID TAKESHI JUST SAY? I'LL FUDGING KILL 'IM!<br>_Chrome suddenly turned around and faced Squalo with an expression which seemed to be a mixture of worry and amusement. Her focus was mainly on his chest and waist. All the blood drained from Squalo's face as he remembered why he'd come to Japan ... and why he couldn't possibly ever show his face back at the Varia mansion ever again.

...

Alright, now this was a situation Squalo liked. He'd tied Tsuna and Gokudera together and had knocked out Yamamoto first thing, just in case he tried anything. As soon as he'd let go of Chrome, though, she'd ran out the door.  
>"Some mist guardian y'got there." He growled at Tsuna before sitting across from his captives, whom he'd propped up in the kitchen.<br>"So, when did ya get the sex change Squalo?" Gokudera grinned maliciously at him. Squalo was just about to reach over and whack him with his prosthetic limb, when he felt the cool touch of a silencer on his left temple. He narrowed his eyes and growled with annoyance,  
>"Reborn." He glanced over at the kitchen corner where he'd dumped Yamamoto to find the unconscious body gone.<br>Cue Takeshi's entrance into the kitchen behind Reborn. He went over and untied Gokudera and Tsuna, with his usual giddy grin on his dumb face. Once he'd untied them he stood up straight and scratched the back of his head, smiling so his eyes squinted into crescents.  
>"I thought it'd be better for me to get Reborn then to make a fuss. I reckoned you'd have a good reason for what you're doing, cause you're a good guy...uh...I mean...good...girl? No, that doesn't sound right..."<br>"SHUT. UP. TAKESHI." Squalo growled and Gokudera laughed.  
>"Now Squalo, if you don't make any sudden movements we can talk this over like reasonable human beings." Reborn said calmly. "Starting with why you're a woman."<br>The gun was lowered and Squalo sat back in his/her seat. Gokudera was giving Reborn this gobsmacked expression, seemingly too angry to make any words. Reborn merely sat on the table, resting his gun next to him, staring expectantly at Squalo.

"Let him speak Hayato-kun." Tsuna said, his voice quivering slightly.  
>"B-but, Boss!" He began, but Reborn gave him a glance that silenced him.<br>Squalo huffed crossly and looked at all the surrounding kids. Just as he opened his mouth Bianchi, Lambo, I-pin, Kyoko, Haru and Dino piled through the kitchen door.  
>"Heey! What? What're they doin' here?" Squalo objected loudly.<br>"Hope you don't mind a larger audience, Squalo, but I just had to see this for myself." Dino said just before tripping over I-pin and landing face first on the kitchen floor. Everyone was silent for a second while he quickly got back up and pretended like it hadn't happened.  
>"HOW THE HELL DID YOU HEAR ABOUT IT?" Squalo demanded, last he heard Dino was still in Italy.<br>"Well, funny story, I was just on my way to see the ninth when I received a report from one of my men. Seems they'd thought you were leaving the country, but halfway through they suddenly stopped and said that they were mistaken..."  
>"Yeah, yeah, I can see where this is going and no, that is NOT a funny story."<br>Squalo sighed in defeat and decided that he might as well tell them the story.  
>"Well, it was just an ordinary day at the Varia HQ..."<p>

I got up, went down for breakfast then headed over to the Boss's office to see if his highness needed anything done. As soon as I'd entered he'd thrown a scrunched up piece of paper at me. I unravelled it to see a shopping list. Boring stuff that he could've gotten anyone to do, but no, it had to be me. Anyway, so I went out bought the load of crap Xanxus wanted and returned, only to find our idiot boss using some grunts as target practice. He was having too much fun so there was no way to get his attention, which was unfortunate for the messengers that the ninth had sent with an order for the Varia. So, as usual I had to take the order from the petrified messengers who were shitting themselves just watching Xanxus laughing maniacally and shooting like a psychotic cowboy.  
>The order was a bit vague to say the least. It said to go to the Bovino's mansion where some suspicious behaviour had been observed and the Bovino's had requested for someone to look into it. I mean, why couldn't they look after it themselves? Anyway, I left a memo on the boss's desk and went over by myself because I didn't expect it to be anything too dangerous. I found the suspicious people, they were taking crates into some underground bunker when I arrived, but just as I was about to make a move I passed out and three hours later I woke up in the exact same spot.<p>

"...with boobs?" Lambo suddenly shouted and Yamamoto had to hold Squalo back from throttling the kid.  
>Bianchi nodded thoughtfully and said,<br>"Yes, your features look a lot softer now, and your voice is much more pleasant, I think you're better this way."  
>"LIKE I CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINION!" Squalo raged at a calm faced Bianchi who merely smiled in response.<br>"So, Lambo, know anything about this?" Reborn said with a barely restrained annoyance at having to ask the snot-nosed kid anything. Squalo stared at the 5-year-old as he climbed up onto the kitchen table in front of him. He stood there for a moment, then stuck his index finger up his nose and went cross-eyed. "Lambo wants candy." He said. Squalo's right eye twitched and while he was deciding whether to just forget the whole thing, Lambo continued,  
>"They give Lambo candy. All kinds too! Sour, chewy, lollipops, and Lambo's favourite, Mr. Grape candy!"<br>"Who are 'they' and why do they give you candy, Lambo?" Reborn inquired.  
>"They keep saying, over and over; DON'T TELL ANYONE WE ARE HERE. DON'T TOUCH THAT BUTTON. DON'T EAT THOSE BULLETS, yadda yadda yadda. The people in the white coats are always saying that they'll tell on me to the boss. Meanies, but I like the candies, they're good."<br>"Bullets, huh?" Reborn muttered reflectively.  
>"So...uh, what does all this mean Reborn?" Tsuna said with his usual worried expression on his face. Before Reborn could say anything Gokudera chimed in with an evil grin,<br>"It means Squalo got hit by a girly-bullet!" With that Dino went over and they high-fived each other.  
>That's it. Squalo couldn't take it anymore. He stood up and was about to leave when Tsuna said something that he wasn't expecting.<br>"Wait Squalo! Hayato-kun, Dino-kun, don't be so mean!" He walked up to Squalo, albeit cautiously, and said in a quavering voice, "I'm honoured that you decided to come to us for help Squalo. I'm sure we can figure out how to get you back to normal." He looked over at Reborn and he nodded.  
>"Sit back down Squalo. I've got a hunch as to what to do about this." Reborn said evenly. Squalo grimaced, but went back his seat.<br>"What? But Boss! Reborn, you can't be serious? We're actually gonna help this guy?" Gokudera exclaimed. Yamamoto laughed and whacked Hayato on the back,  
>"Of course we are! He's our ally, remember?" Gokudera shrugged him off and muttered something about 'stupid baseball freak', but ceased to argue after that. Dino, suddenly in 'serious mode', leaned forward and leant his palms on the kitchen table,<br>"So Reborn, what do you suppose this is all about? You seem like you already know." Reborn tilted his head so you couldn't see his eyes and he smiled.  
>"The Bovino family have long been famous for their inventions of...interesting bullet effects. Many of the transformation bullets that we use were originally designed by Bovino family scientists. A female..."<br>"Gender-bender-rifle!" Lambo suddenly butted in. Everyone just stared at the little man who was still standing on the table in front of Squalo. He had finally taken his finger out of his nose and was now rummaging through his 'fro. All was silent for a moment then he pulled out a long silver bullet. He held it up triumphantly for everyone to see, and sure enough engraved on one side was the initials 'G.B.R' along with 'Mark I' underneath.  
>"How did you get that?"Dino asked.<br>"I heard the white coat guys talking about it and I thought it sounded funny so I borrowed one." He said while grinning mischievously.  
>"You mean you stole it, you little brat." Gokudera said irritably.<br>"Please hand it over Lambo." Reborn said, but Lambo wasn't in the mood for cooperating and he jumped off the table and was about to run out the door when Squalo swiftly got up and grabbed Lambo by his afro in one fluid movement. He glared straight into Lambo's eyes and it was only a few seconds before the little cow lost his nerve and dropped the bullet into Squalo's outstretched palm. He dropped Lambo back on the floor and turned around to find everyone was slightly unnerved at his sudden action.

He sneered. _Good, they better remember who I am._  
>He inspected the bullet himself and then handed it to Reborn, who glanced at it and then slid it into his own gun. Squalo raised an eyebrow. "What're you doing?"<br>Reborn merely chuckled and said,  
>"We have to test it out." He then speedily aimed it at Tsuna who started to back away rather hastily.<br>"Are you insane, Reborn?" He wailed, "For all we know that could just be a regular bullet!"  
>But it was too late...BANG!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2 The Plan

All was still and as the mysterious mist that had surrounded Tsuna faded everyone leaned forward to see what had happened. Tsuna was face first on the ground...but even in this position you could tell that something was different. His slimmer waist, arms and hands...it was obvious that the bullet was indeed, as Lambo had said, a 'gender-bender' bullet.  
>"Three hours, you said Squallo?" Reborn said matter-of-factly. Squallo nodded, still kinda creeped out by what he'd witnessed, knowing that the same had happened to him. Now that that was said and done everything suddenly started happening very quickly. Even Dino and Gokudera got serious.<br>Yamamoto picked up Tsuna and took him (?) to his room, with Haru and Bianchi in tow saying that they'd look after him. Reborn started giving orders left, right and centre; he told Dino to take Lambo to the Bovino's to make inquiries, he told Gokudera to go with Takeshi to some location nearby, Squallo didn't catch the address, but he guessed it was some sort of doctor, and Reborn himself said that he had something to attend to.  
>"Hey! What about me?" Squallo demanded. Reborn gave him a sideways glance and said that it'd be best if he stayed here with the 'girls' and try not to cause a fuss. With that Reborn walked out the kitchen door, and just as Squallo stepped forward to injure the cocky well-dressed baby, Bianchi came around the corner and shoved some rotten food in his face.<br>"Agh!" Squallo yelled as he staggered backwards.  
>"You'll be staying with us Squallo-chan, if you know what's good for you. You have to stay inconspicuous because no one knows how long it'll take to find a cure." She said smoothly as Squallo rushed to the sink to wash the unknown substance off his face. <em>It feels like it's burning, what the hell is with these people? <em>He silently raged to himself. He paused for a moment; ..._hey! Did she just call me 'Squallo-chan'?  
><em>Squallo sensed a quiet presence beside him so he slowly raised his head away from the sink to find Kyoko standing there with a concerned expression. Squallo didn't really understand so he just stared at her.  
>"Um...here." Kyoko said and looked away bashfully as she handed him a towel. Squallo grabbed it and wiped his face, muttering 'thanks' quietly.<p>

_Hang on...what's that smell...? _Squallo yanked the towel away from his face and threw it on the floor as he suddenly recognised the scent. Bianchi started humming and as she walked over his vision started to blur.  
>"Damn you, woman..." he managed to get out before collapsing from the chlorafoam that the towel had reeked of. The last thing he saw and heard was Bianchi standing over him and saying,<p>

"Good job Kyoko."

Squallo woke a few hours later, which made it 4pm, in a particularly...fragrant room. He sat up to see Bianchi sitting on the end of the single bed filing her nails, and Kyoko and Haru on the floor playing some card game. On the other side of the room, to the left of the door, was another single bed, with Tsuna in it. Who, obviously, hadn't woken yet, even though it was well past the amount of time it had taken Squallo to 'recover'.  
>Squallo looked around the room, which appeared to be still in the Sawada residence. It had lilac walls, with posters of scorpians plastered on the back of the door. Squallo didn't need to see all the recipe books on the dressing table to know that this was Bianchi's room.<br>"Oh good, you're back." Bianchi said rather cheerfully. Squallo narrowed his eyes at her. Before he could say anything, he realised that they'd taken off his shoes, gloves and Varia jacket. And almost as if on cue Bianchi said,  
>"Don't worry, you're stuff's still here. Just in the bottom drawer of my dresser."<br>Any number of profane swear words came to Squallo's mind...but he found himself quivering with rage so much that he couldn't form it into words. Ever since he'd arrived here he'd just wanted to vent his rage by beating the crap outta someone...but he'd held back because he knew that these Vongola kids were probably his best chance at getting back to normal. As much as he hated it, he had to remain civil. Well, as civil as_ he could_ be. He ended up just putting his head in his hands and not saying anything.  
>"Tell me, why did you come here?"<p>

Squallo looked up at Bianchi and leaned back on the bed head. He sighed.  
>"If the Varia had found out...I'm not sure I would've been able to leave the mansion alive. Plus, strange things always seem to be happening to the tenth and his cohorts, so I figured it'd be best to ask the experts about weird crap."<br>"Hm. Well, it's a good thing you did come to us, because the Varia are looking for you. Seems Xanxus is a little pissed off by your disapperance." Squallo raised an eyebrow and scoffed,  
>"He probably just wants me to go shopping again."<p>

"Y'know, Squallo, I've been wanting to ask you, well, actually, _we've_ been wanting to ask you something..." Haru started saying.

"Well, spit it out." Squallo snapped impatiently. They both looked at him simultaneously, looked at each other, then back at him again. This time Kyoko spoke,

"Why do you follow Xanxus?" There was a silence as Squallo thought about what answer he could give. He decided that telling them to 'get stuffed' wasn't a part of his 'acting civil' plan, but he didn't know what to say. The longer he examined their expectant expressions the less he expected them to be able to understand.  
>"I mean, he's such a...such a..." Kyoko put an index finger to her chin as she thought. Squallo found it amusing that she couldn't decide on a 'polite' term for describing his eratic boss.<br>"Such an ass?" Squallo suggested. They looked at each other again, this time including Bianchi in the exchange, and they all giggled.  
>"Yeah, something like that." Haru replied.<p>

Squallo jerked his chin the direction of Tsuna's unconscicious body. He decided to try and explain it in terms they would understand,

"Well, ask yourselves why you hang around Tsunayoshi, even though you may get hurt as a result." Kyoko nodded liked she understood, but Haru blushed madly and jumped up over-excitedly,  
>"YOU LOVE XANXUS?" Squallo's jaw dropped and his eyes twitched at her sudden revelation. Bianchi chuckled and said,<br>"I wouldn't get too excited Haru-chan, remember that Squallo _isn't _actually a woman."

Haru sat back down and said 'oh yes', but Squallo could tell she meant exactly what she'd said, in no doubt of his gender. _Why is comunicating with these people more troublesome than talking with a Varia member? _Squallo thought irritably, "_But then again, the only time they want to talk to me is when they want to me do something, like, say; 'Go die, Squallo!' 'Oh, still alive, Squallo?' 'Take out the trash Squallo!' 'Cut ya hair ya hippie!'" _

The girls went quiet as Squallo realized that he'd just said that last bit out loud.  
>"Wow...they're really mean to you.." Haru said quietly. Squallo snorted and growled,<p>

"Yeah, well, I don't want your pity, I'm there out of my own free-will..."  
>"That's all very nice but we need to discuss the current problem we have..." Bianchi stopped midsentence as Tsuna moaned and sat up. Everyone's gaze turned to him in unison. He rubbed his eyes and then suddenly spazzed out. He started waving his arms in the air and wailing something about having a terrible nightmare of Reborn shooting at him with <em>real<em> bullets. He ran out of steam in about a minute and finally noticed all the eyes that were watching him. He looked at them all in turn like he was still in a dream. First at Kyoko and Haru's pitiful faces, then at Bianchi's expression of non-chalance, and finally at Squallo, who was glaring at him in full force.  
>"Wow, you're quite pretty Tsuna." Bianchi said as she went back to filing her nails, "A<em>nyway<em>, back on topic, the Varia are looking for you and Reborn has made it our responsibility to make sure they don't find you, or failing that, make sure they don't recognise you. At least until someone finds an antidote to the bullets effects."  
>"Wha? You've got to be kidding me, this is actually happening?" Tsuna said pathetically but everyone just ignored him.<br>"Yeah? Well how do you plan on doing that?" Squallo questioned Bianchi.  
>She smiled. "Well, while you and Tsuna were out cold, me and the girls have been running through certain scenarios and we thought that setting up some false identities was the way to go for now. First off, Tsuna..."<br>"Hey, wait!" Tsuna yelled, and everyone just expected him to object to the whole affair like he usually does, but instead he said something that surprised Squallo, he said something _actually_ intelligent,  
>"Don't transformation bullets' effects usually wear off after a while?" The room was silent while everyone let the idea sink in.<br>"Yes, but that didn't seem to be the case with Squallo," Bianchi began, "and it doesn't seem to be the case with you either..."

"Actually, it is..." Tsuna said, feeling his chest. Bianchi's attention snapped to him and she ran over to inspect for herself.  
>"Wha-?" Tsuna yelled and blushed as Bianchi pulled up his shirt.<p>

"Sorry Tsuna, you had...tiny boobs when you transformed so I didn't realize you'd changed back..."  
>"Oh gee, thanks a bunch." Tsuna said dryly. What irked Squallo more than Tsuna changing back before him, was the fact that they all turned to look at him with pity in unison.<p>

"And, well, it's obvious Squallo-kun hasn't changed...I mean, _his_ are as big as Bianchi-san's, if you know what I mean." Haru said innocently.

Squallo felt like he was going to cry. He'd faced countless terrifying swordsmen, and beaten them all, (not including Takeshi, because, quite frankly, he _wasn't_ terrifying), but _this, _this was too much. Give him an enemy and he'll defeat them, because that's straight forward, no messing about. This, this invovled too much talking and too much _non_-action.  
>At that moment Gokudera burst through the door and straight away glared at Squallo out of the corner of his eye. He was clutching a piece of paper in his hand, and opened his mouth,<p>

"Hey sis, remember..." he started, but as soon as he looked in her direction he gagged and fainted. "Agh! Not again, Gokudera-kun!" Tsuna squeeked as he jumped out of bed, but Bianchi just clicked her tonge,  
>"Please excuse my frail little brother." She gracefully slinked over to his unconscious form and picked up the piece of paper. As she inspected it her eyes lit up and she murmured,<br>"Ah, good thinking Hayato!' Squallo pulled his legs out from under the sheets and swung them over the edge of the bed. He grimaced at how..._girly_ they felt and looked. But one bonus was that he didn't feel any _weaker_ because of the change.  
>"What is it?" He muttered.<br>"My, my, _Sparrow_, isn't remarkable how much like _Squallo from the Varia_ you look!" She said, quite obviously.  
>"Riiiight..." Squallo said dryly and gave her a lopsided grimace as she handed him the parchment. He looked it over to find it was a print out of an email exchange between Gokudera and a mutual relative of his and Bianchi's called <em>'Sparrow'<em>. There was a photo of a girl scowling at the camera. "She looks nothin' like me." He objected, but before he knew it Kyoko and Haru were looking over his shoulders. Haru grabbed it and shouted,  
>"Whoa! She's a dead ringer for you Squ- uh, I mean, <em>Sparrow<em>." She giggled, "This is so cool! You going in cognito, I mean."  
>"Ugh..." Gokudera moaned as he began to regain consciousness. Bianchi quickly threw a masquerade mask on and helped him up.<br>"I still can't believe your okay with helping this bastard, Boss..." he growled as he found his feet, then he suddenly remembered something and swung around to face Tsuna.  
>"Boss! That's right! Are you okay? Reborn totally shot you, didn't he?"<br>"Ye-yeah, I'm fine Hayato-kun..." Tsuna said, still not quite sure if this was really happening. Squallo rolled his eyes, and as if on cue Yamamoto popped his head through the doorway with his usual dorky grin.  
>"Hey everyone, not that I want to scare you or anything but I just got a call from Ryohei, seems he saw Lussuria in town and he thinks he's headed in this direction. He's gonna follow him and tell us when he gets closer." He said in an annoyingly cheerful voice.<br>Tsuna yanked at his brown spikey hair in fright and his eyes widened,  
>"Oh flip! What're we gonna do? How did they know Sq-!" He was stopped by Bianchi who'd put a hand over his mouth.<p>

"Shhh, little boss. _Her_ name is _Sparrow_. And don't worry, we'll work something out. Just let me do the talking. Now, OUT. I want everyone to leave and go occupy themselves, but be ready just in case anything goes wrong." Thus she began shooing everyone away except for Haru and Kyoko. "Now," she sung mischieviously as she turned to face Squallo, (now also known as Sparrow). "You're going to have to get changed, Sparrow-chan."  
>Squallo stood up and began backing away, he didn't like where this was going.<p>

"No way in hell, you crazy woman!"

Bianchi stopped and seemed to be lost in thought for a moment.  
>"Oh..." She murmured, "If Takeshi and Hayato-kun are home, then wonder if they couldn't find Dr..." No sooner had she said 'Dr' when the door flew open, and to Squallo's horror, it was the Vongola's perverted doctor, Shamal.<p>

"Where's this lovely patient?" He sung operatically, and Squallo could hear Gokudera cacking himself out in the hall. Squallo was prepped to take a swing at the sleaze, when Bianchi stood between them.  
>"Not yet Dr. Shamal. We have to change her."<br>"Oh, Bianchi-chan, my sweet! You look as lovely as ever, and not to worry! I'll be happy to help you, your cousin is truly a sight for sore eyes!" He suddenly had a rose in mouth and was down on one knee, which gave Bianchi perfect oppotunity to drop kick him the face. Squallo was surprised at her strength, because it sent the 'doctor' flying out the door and thumping against the hallway wall. But his awe was quickly dispersed as Haru closed the door, and the three monsters turned towards him with evil intent in their eyes.


	3. It's Kicking Off

Hello again! There's a few POV (point of view) changes in this section, just a heads up.

Hope you're enjoying it so far!

...

15 Minutes Later...

...The doorbell rang.

It rang again.

There was the sound of thumping feet and Bianchi opened the door smoothly like she was expecting visitors.  
>It was the postman. But Dino had just returned with Lambo and the five year old obviously hadn't been told the plan, because as the door opened he flew past Bianchi's head with a grenade in hand. Dino's whip lashed out, also past Bianchi's head, and wrapped around the small figure's torso, before yanking him backwards and disappearing into a nearby doorway. The postman stood there, gobsmacked at what he thought he'd seen, so Bianchi smiled seductively, signed for the package and took it from his frozen hand.<p>

"Thank you for your hard work." She purred.  
>"N-No problem." He said, quivering. She closed the door in his face.<p>

Inside the package was Squalo's new identity as 'Sparrow', including things like an ID, a driver's liscense, etc. There was also a letter inside from Sparrow saying she was honoured for Squalo to pretend to be her, she just wished she could come see it for herself. (Of course, she'd encrypted the entire letter in a secret language her and Bianchi had thought up when they were little.)

The doorbell rang again at 5:30pm, and once again Bianchi opened it. There stood Fuuta this time, with his giant ranking book in hand and Ryohei behind him.  
>"Oh that's right you were staying with the Sasagawa's, weren't you Fuuta?" She eyed Ryohei and he gave her a tiny nod. She blinked knowingly and let Fuuta and Ryohei in. <p>

Meanwhile, upstairs in Bianchi's bedroom, Squalo was left by himself. He stood in the middle of the room, staring at his reflection in Bianchi's full-length mirror. He now wore black skinny-leg jeans, red and black converse sneakers, a black t-shirt with a picture of 'Emily-the-Strange' on it, and a long double-breasted jacket over that. According to Bianchi, that was 'Sparrow's style'. They'd also had the nerve to brush his hair and pull it back into a long plait. He raised his gaze to his face and grimaced. Thankfully, they'd held back from any make-up, Bianchi was smart enough to know how much he would take before going into suicide mode.

He'd heard the doorbell ring a few times, but he knew it wasn't anyone from the Varia, he'd be able to sense it when they did come. He snorted when he thought about how Yamamoto had said that stupid boxing freak Ryohei had _seen_ Lussuria. _Very subtle, Lussuria_, he scoffed. He could just imagine the Varia's own martial artist prancing around Japan calling out 'Squalo! Squaloooooooo!' with little hearts floating around him. Squalo decided that it was a good idea to stop imagining it, because he felt like he was going to hurl. He _did_ smirk when he thought about Xanxus, though. _He's probably spewing because I'm not there to kick around, taking all his rage out on anyone who's left behind. Bel and Mammon have probably already abandoned the mansion._

His thoughts turned to Bianchi, Haru and Kyoko. While at the time, he could think of nothing worse than being around them, yet at the same time he was surprised at how unintimidated Bianchi was by, not only him, but by the creepy doctor as well. She seemed fearless, and _that_ in itself was rather frightening. And Haru and Kyoko were emotionally strong for civilians, not to mention little girls who were involved in what's going to be the most dangerous days of their lives. He shook his head violently, in hopes of getting rid of the sentimental thoughts when the bedroom door burst open. In came Dr. Shamal, the shameless pervert. Squalo stared at him blankly.  
>"Aw, your gaze cuts through me like a hot knife through butter, dear Sparrow! It's been a long time, hasn't it? How old are you now?" He laughed in glee as he pranced over. He came right up to Squalo in an instant and Squalo was amazed at his speed, (when a woman was involved that is). Squalo sneered and grabbed the slime-ball by the collar.<br>"Oh my, I do like it rough, Sparrow." Dr. Shamal said in a velvety voice. Squalo got in the doctor's face and growled, making sure not to raise his voice too loudly,  
>"I <em>am<em> Superbi Squalo, you _moron!_ And if you don't get out of here in 5 seconds I'm gonna slice 'n'dice ya for Bianchi to put in some of her poisonous sushi!" He let go and immediately Dr. Shamal was 2 metres away, stroking his chin thoughtfully.  
>"You <em>look<em> like a woman, but I seem to be able to _instinctively_ tell that you're a man...hmmm, I am brilliant." He said like he was thinking out loud.  
>"Your instincts are worth shit, and are we forgetting what I just said?" Squalo threatened, ignoring the fact that the doctor was a douche, standing there pretending that he already knew. Although, he was slightly intrigued by the fact that the doctor had actually believed him. Maybe he <em>did<em> have some instincts after all.

"Hmmm..." Dr. Shamal appeared to be ignoring Squalo, "But that means that little shit Hayato tried to pull a smart one on me..." He turned to leave just as Squalo was about to make him leave, when he sensed a familiar presence..._no, make that _two_ familiar prescenses._

"Ah, " Shamal said, now completely serious, "It appears we have some visitors. You might want to wait here for a minute or two, and then go down and back Bianchi up if they don't want to leave."  
>"Yeah, yeah, I know what I have to do." Squalo growled. With that Shamal left, saying that he had a certain 'little shit' to deal with.<p>

Squalo double checked that he'd hid his own presence, and began slowly walking out into the hall. He came up to the top of the stairs, yet was careful to be out of sight of the Varia who had been sent to find him and watched as Bianchi went to the door.

This time when the doorbell rang Bianchi knew who was going to be behind it. Although, she was amused by the fact that they actually _were using_ the doorbell. She opened the door and put on her best smile. There stood Lussuria and waiting back at the gate was Levi. Lussuria had his hands linked together up near his face.  
>"Oh hellllooo there, Bianchi, correct? Sorry to disturb you but we're looking for our good friend Squalo, he wouldn't happen to be here, would he?" Bianchi raised her eyebrows and blinked at him.<br>"Sorry, Lussuria, is it? I don't think he is, but wouldn't you be able to sense him if he was?"  
>"Ah yes, about that, well he has this habit of hiding his presence so we can't find him, well that is to say , the Boss could if he wanted too, but..."<br>"Just get to the point Lussuria." Levi said as he prowled up the path, "Our scouts say that they saw Squalo enter this house and not come out. Where is that bastard?" Bianchi 'tut tutted' them and gave them an appraising glance,  
>"My, my, don't take that tone with me, Mr. Varia."<br>"She's quite right, Levi, no family in-fighting! At least, not anymore...hohoho."

"Ah, but, y'know what Levi?" Bianchi said thoughtfully. "Yes, that's probably it. She _does _look _strikingly_ like Squalo..."  
>"Huh?" Levi demanded.<br>"My cousin, Sparrow, she's staying over for a while, and I must say your scouts wouldn't be the only ones to mistake her for Superbi Squalo. I mean, even Dino's Family thought she was Squalo, should've seen the look on his face..."

...Squalo...

Squalo allowed himself one last sneer at his stupid colleagues before deciding to go down.

"Is there something wrong, Bianchi?"

...Lussuria...

"Is there something wrong, Bianchi?"

Lussuria's jaw dropped and he gasped at the sexy voice that purred from above them, and watched in awe as a slinky young woman swaggered down the staircase towards them. Levi narrowed his eyes. As she came to stand next to Bianchi she flicked her bangs out of her eyes and appraised the two Varia agents, looking down her nose at them. In the background Dr. Shamal was leaning out of a doorway staring at Sparrow's back, drooling.

...Squalo...

Lussuria had well and truly fallen for it, and Squalo tried his best to stay in character, because he was pretty sure 'Sparrow' wouldn't spew all over them.

_Now all I have to worry about is Levi and making sure he leaves with no doubt in his mind that I'm Sparrow, _Squalo thought, giving Levi his hardest gaze.

...Levi...

Levi felt his body warm up and sweat starting to form on his brow, because this cousin of Bianchi's, Sparrow, was staring at him with this intensity that made him feel nervous. He didn't like being nervous. He'd heard of Sparrow, apparently she was good with swords.  
>"Well, I'm not sure I believe you." He said, ignoring Lussuria who was telling him off for being so rude, and even though he did kinda believe it, <em>they<em> didn't have to know that.

He took a step forward, and so did Sparrow, so that they were toe-to-toe, and almost eye-eye. _She's tall, which goes with what I've read about her, _Levi thought.

"Oh I can understand that, Mr. Scary Varia Man, I've heard I'm a lot like your fellow Varia, Squalo." She whispered threateningly, like she was inviting him to do something stupid. _But Squalo would've just whacked someone by now, he's not really one for talking. Well, none of us are really, _he thought.  
>"Now, now Levi, darling, let's not get carried away, try and comprehend the situation and what would happen to us if you did anything." Lussuria said, trying to coax Levi into backing away.<br>"Yes, that's right." Bianchi said as she crossed her arms, but she still took a step backwards, and, noticing this, so did Lussuria.

Sparrow's mouth flashed into a broad grin, like a wolf bearing its teeth.

_Just like Squalo, _Levi thought as he glared into "Sparrow's" menacing eyes.

...Squalo...

Squalo couldn't help it, he's wanted a chance to fight Leviathan one on one ever since they met, and this was perfect. He was just playing the role of a protective cousin, who sensed danger fron this suspicious looking guy.

"Hey! What's going on here?"

Squalo cringed when he heard Tsuna's familiar whine from behind him.  
>"Ah! Well if it isn't the little Vongola boss!" Lussuria cried, relieved that someone had broken the tension. Before Squalo knew it someone's hands had grabbed his arms and were pulling him away from Levi. He struggled a little bit, but decided to let it go, after all, he didn't have his blade with him, cause that would really give him away.<p>

...Levi...

Levi huffed as his opportunity to fight the infamous Sparrow disappeared along with Takeshi Yamamoto as he appeared outta nowhere and pulled her back.

"Tsunayoshi..." he began but he was cut short by the smoking kid, Gokudera was it?  
>"Hey, hey! That's <em>Sawada-sama<em> to you, fish-sticks!"  
>...f<em>ish sticks?<em> Levi smirked.

"Whatever. Where's Squalo?"

Gokudera was fuming,  
>"How the hell should we know, crab-man?"<br>..._crab man?_ Levi glared. _What's with this kid?_

...Squalo...

Squalo got a look of Levi 'glaring' and laughed before Yamamoto pulled him into the kitchen. When Levi thought he was 'glaring' he actually tended to look like he was pouting, and Squalo found that hilarious. He spun around to face Yamamoto, but it was Reborn who spoke as he stood on the kitchen table.  
>"What're you playing at, <em>Sparrow<em>? Stop trying to intimidate one of the Varia." He reprimanded. Squalo was about to object, when Yamamoto pulled out a sword from under the table and handed it to him.  
>"Unless, of course, you're adequately armed, that is." Reborn said shiftily, a grin on his baby face. Squalo narrowed his eyes at them both.<br>"What's this?"  
>"Well, we need to drive those two away, and as much as I'd like to get loser Tsuna to do it, I think this is a perfect opportunity. Bianchi's only in Japan for two reasons, one; for me, and two; for Hayato. She has friends in Italy, and I think she's been itching to fight along with another girl. Everyone needs some way to blow off steam."<br>"Oh? What if I refuse? I don't want to fight with some gi..." Squalo stopped mid-sentence as Reborn levelled his gun at him, for the second time today.  
>"Well, it's either that or I shoot you with a deathperation bullet. Which is it Sparrow? The mafia look after their women, remember. And I want Bianchi to be happy, because quite frankly a bored Bianchi is terrifying."<p>

Squalo winced at the thought, he'd seen what those deathperation bullets did, and it wasn't pretty sight. He also thought about the rotten food that was in has face earlier. He decided that he didn't want a re-run of that, so he brandished the sword. He judged it's weight with his natural hand, that familiar and comforting weight.  
>"Alright." he said firmly.<br>"Just a quick question Sq-, ur, Sparrow," Yamamoto said, finally getting serious, "The Varia'll recognise your style won't they?" Squalo unleashed another psychotic grin and looked at the baseball obsessed swordsman out of the corner of his eye.  
>"Oh don't you worry about that, Takeshi. I've seen many sword styles and I can mimic them all. I just have to choose one that's similar to the one Bianchi's cousin uses and believe me, <em>I have<em>."

With that he strode back out to the front door, just in time to stop Levi and Gokudera ripping each other apart.

...

Sorry for the sudden cut off, I'll try to upload more soon! Thank you for reading, and I hope it's making sense! Please tell me if it isn't! XD


	4. All Good Things End

Hello!

I've included the last paragraph from chapter 3 since it ended abruptly :D

Hope you enjoy the finale.

...

"Oh don't you worry about that, Takeshi. I've seen many sword styles and I can mimic them all. I just have to choose one that's similar to the one Bianchi's cousin uses and believe me, _I have_."

With that he strode back out to the front door, just in time to stop Levi and Gokudera ripping each other apart.

"Giant tuna face!" Gokudera spat. Levi's face scrunched up even more. Kinda like a ...tuna.  
>"Y'know he does kind of have a <em>fishy<em> face..." Bianchi said in observation to Lussuria. Levi glared at Lussuria out of the corner of his eye before the queer could say anything in return.  
>After they'd dragged Sparrow away, this kid had continued to try and provoke him; all the while their spineless boss was telling him to stop.<br>_"Sushi legs, starfish hair, squid arms, anemone back."_ These were his previous ones, and 'giant tuna face' was definitely scrapping the bottom of the barrel. Finally Sparrow came back out of where she'd been taken to, only now brandishing a sword and a devilish grin.  
>"Hey Bianchi. Seems we have permission to drive away these annoying guys, from the...what was their organization called again? Vaseline?" Levi's eye twitched.<br>"THAT DOESN'T EVEN SOUND CLOSE! YOU'RE DOIN' THAT ON PURPOSE. YOU KNOW WE'RE FROM THE VARIA!" He raged. Lussuria just sighed and said to Bianchi,  
>"I'm sorry, these two seem to be incorrigible. I'm gonna go back to the airport to start looking for Squalo again..." He glanced at Levi, "Please don't make a mess. Otherwise <em>I'll <em>be hearing about it from the ninth." He sighed again and walked away muttering something about Mammon and how if they could find him they'd be able to use his 'psychic snot technique'.

Squalo grinned, _so, Mammon _has_ flown the coop. Interesting._  
>"Alright then. Shall we take this outside?" Bianchi said politely, gesturing towards the open door. Squalo'd almost forgotten about her. He failed to see how this would work. But once again the imagery that Reborn had given him came to mind, so he decided to go along with it.<p>

"Follow me." Bianchi whispered and she stealthily slipped outside. Levi turned after her and so did Squalo. Squalo closed the door behind him and they all leapt away from the house, up onto the flat rooftop of a neighbouring shop.  
>Squalo and Bianchi eyed the parabolas on Levi's back, and Levi glared at them in return as they circled him, everyone preparing for whoever would make the first move. It was well and truly night time by now and to a passerby the three of them would seem like they didn't know what they were doing. Yet Squalo knew this wasn't the case, even though there was no lightning, he knew Levi could fight very well without it. He had to get rid of those parabolas...because while Squalo knew a lot about Levi's fighting style, he didn't know <em>everything<em>, and who knows what tricks are hiding up his sleeve. Squalo grimaced and raised his sword as he got into 'Sparrow's' fighting stance.

Levi had looked like he was going to make a move, but now he saw this stance he looked confused. Well, mostly angry, but confused as well. Levi shook his head in a attempt to clear his mind and started to charge at Squalo, pulling out two parabolas in the process. Squalo held his ground.  
>...<p>

And once again, Squalo made the mistake of discounting Bianchi's presence.

"Sparrow!" she yelled.  
>"<em>Tsk!" <em>Squalo gritted his teeth as the distraction caused him to get whacked in the stomach, not by the pointy end of a parabola, thankfully. Before Levi's second umbrella got him Squalo jumped back and up onto a higher roof behind them. Bianchi followed and Squalo spun around to face her, but before he could vent his anger she put a finger to her lips. She then backtracked until she was about 50 metres away and made a movement like she throwing a baseball. Squalo felt his anger dissipate and he grinned just prior to Levi leaping up into the roof right behind him.

Levi didn't understand. For one stupid moment he didn't understand. When Sparrow had finally taken up her fighting position...she'd half crouched into a baseball batter's stance. He'd read so many articles about her being the best swordswoman in Italy...but this confused him. He didn't like being confused. So he just charged straight at her. She stood her ground, and he possibly could've gotten a counter-attack from her, but her irritating cousin distracted her. That was fine with Levi though, he got a hit in before she retreated.  
><em>She is quick, <em>he thought, _I'll give her that. She managed to avoid my second parabola, which could've only been a fraction of a second away from contacting her. _

Then it hit him. _Of course! Maybe that's why she's so good, because she confuses her opponent into thinking she's nuts! Yeah, that must be it! Well, that isn't gonna work on me Sparrow, the "Italian Queen of Swords"!_ With that he followed her up onto the other roof.

To his frustration though, Sparrow flashed him a demonic grin and jumped away again, and so did Bianchi, but he didn't really care about her, she didn't seem like a very good fighter. He glared and snorted, but stayed focused and leapt after her once again. As he hurtled towards her she crouched back into her baseball stance. Levi's face screwed up even more and he ignored the ridiculous position. Although, he couldn't help but think that he was missing something...

Squalo gripped the hilt of the blade tightly, not even looking at Bianchi, instead, he was _listening_ for her. Soon enough, that familiar sound of an object whistling through the air came to his ears just as Levi threw himself at him. Squalo swung the blade a few seconds before Levi came within range. Leviathan smiled maliciously, and began to draw out a parabola...when a bento box hit his face. He stopped mid-flight and began falling, the box falling with him.  
>"Wha-?" He yelled, so confused that he couldn't land on his feet.<p>

Squalo sensed Bianchi come up beside him.  
>"Wait for it." she whispered.<p>

To Squalo's delight, the bento box exploded, slathering Levi with...well, what Squalo could only describe as a mixture of putrefying miso soup and dumplings. Although he knew from personal experience that this wasn't just 'off' food. This was _deadly_ food.

Squalo squeezed his eyes shut in ecstasy as Levi screamed; squirming around on the roof below him, trying desperately to get the substance out of his eyes, hair, mouth...it was _everywhere_.

Squalo suddenly realized that Bianchi had been rather quiet, so he shot her a glance. She was staring at him amusedly.  
>"What?" he demanded.<p>

"Oh nothing, cousin." she replied, jumping delicately down onto the street below. Squalo followed her with his eyes to find that they'd had an audience. Tsuna and the others had been watching.

Reborn was already right next to Levi, whispering something while pointing a gun at his head. But the baby swivelled around and shot Tsuna.

Suddenly Tsuna was in his underwear and up there with them.  
>"I will deathperately get rid of Leviathan!" he yelled like it was a battle cry. He lifted Levi up like he weighed nothing and literally <em>threw<em> him. As Levi went hurtling through the air Squalo almost felt sorry for him. _Almost_.

As Squalo stood there, watching the scene below of the young Vongola familiga, he had a strange sensation. He frowned.  
><em>What is this?<em> He thought.

Tsuna quickly became himself again and immediately began wailing over the fact that he was on his neighbour's roof.

And in his underwear.

Reborn kicked him off.

Gokudera ran over like a chicken with it's head cut off, flapping his arms like wings and asking Tsuna over and over if he was okay. Yamamoto just stood there laughing like an idiot, and he may've been saying something to Squalo about a job well done, but Squalo wasn't listening. Bianchi was carrying I-pin, and was holding Fuuta's hand. Lambo was on Dino's shoulders, pulling at his hair and yelling 'I want candy!'.

Squalo sighed and shook his head. He couldn't believe the Varia had ever lost to these pathetic fools. And for a long time he'd refused to believe that it was because the Varia were inferior in any way. But...he could see it now.  
>Team work. Even though Hibari claims to be disinterested, and Mukuro says he wants to possess Tsuna...and no matter how much Yamamoto and octopus-head fight...they always come together in the end.<p>

Unlike the Varia. Who knows how strong they'd be if they didn't have so much in-fighting...

"Agh!" Squalo violently shook his head and jumped down off the roof onto the street below. _That line of thought is pointless, stupid and naive! _Squalo concluded that these thoughts were because of his current physical state.

"Hey...Squalo, you're..." Tsuna said weakly and Squalo spun around to face him. Tsuna recoiled. Reborn grinned evilly. Squalo looked down at himself...and to his amazement, he had a flat chest!

"But how.." he whispered.

"Well, the Bovino boss did say something about being at peace with oneself, or feeling a certain amount of satisfaction would release oneself from the 'gender-bender-rifle's' effects." Dino said while stroking his chin as Lambo quit pulling his hair to rummage through his 'fro.

Squalo quivered in anger, and slowly raised his head to meet Dino's gaze. Dino froze up and nervously started edging towards the house.  
>"WHAT DID YOU SAAAAAY? HEEEEEEY! GET BACK HERE, DINO! WHY THE HELL DID THE BOVINO BOSS ALREADY KNOW ABOUT THIS?"<p>

Needless to say, as Squalo found out later from Reborn, it was all a ruse. A joint effort from the Bovino boss and the ninth. Apparently the Bovino honcho wanted his scientists to test out their new weapon, and the ninth had volunteered someone from the Varia. It hadn't mattered _who_, just as long as one of the turned up.

"So you see Squalo, it just so happened to be you that turned up to the Bovino mansion that day." Dino said, finishing off the explanation for Reborn. Squalo was back in his normal Varia gear and had had just about enough of this 'acting civil' plan. He slowly turned towards Dino, a shadow over his eyes and a wicked grin plastered to his face. Dino broke out in a sweat and smiled nervously,  
>"Hey now, Squalo, this isn't <em>my<em> fault! I'm just the one who Reborn asked to talk to the Bovino's! Don't shoot the messenger, so to speak! Ha...ha...ha..." Dino winced as Squalo raised his arm over Dino's head. But after a few seconds Dino looked up cautiously to find that Squalo hadn't moved. Squalo's shoulders slumped and he dropped his hand. He sighed and slowly looked around at the faces that surrounded him. They'd all come to the kitchen to hear the explanation.

For once Squalo didn't feel like glaring. These people...it tired him out to be around them...but he guessed he owed them something for helping him.

So...he smiled, it was just for an instant, but it was a genuine smile.

With that he stood up and strode to the door. He stood there for a moment, his back to them and his head turned slightly in their direction. He caught sight of Bianchi, Kyoko and Haru. They all were smiling. He rolled his eyes and muttered, "Thanks." Before turning the corner and leaving via the back door.

Back at the Varia mansion...

"Oh hey, look! It's Squalo!" Lussuria cried out joyfully as Squalo came in through the main door into the foyer. The giddy martial artist bounded over like a puppy.

"WHERE THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU BEEN SQUALLO?" Levi demanded. Squalo unleashed his usual grin and cocked his head at Levi.  
>"I was out. Why? I wasn't gone <em>that<em> long. I even left a memo on the boss's desk. _Why Levi? What were you up to?_" Squalo said, staring intently at Levi. Levi blushed and glared.

"Nothin'! I was just wishin' you were dead!" Squalo closed his eyes for a moment in triumph.

_Obviously he hasn't told anyone that he was beaten by two girls..._ he thought, _it's gonna be hard not to tease him about it. _  
>"Oh, he had a run in with some girl; I didn't see it myself, but..." Lussuria began before Levi shot him a glare. Lussuria stopped and rolled his eyes at Squalo. Then said rather loudly,<p>

"Oh Squalo! We're SO glad you're back!" With that he threw his arms around Squalo's neck.

"SPEAK FOR YOURSELF." Everyone shouted before turning around and leaving. Squalo threw Lussuria off, albeit gently.

"Hey! What happened? Why was everyone out here?" Squalo probed, but Bel just half turned towards him and said,

"It's about time you came back you little shit."

Mammon appeared next to Bel.  
>"Yes, our Boss is quite the handful."<br>"Quite the handful? Are you crazy? He almost blew the entire mansion up!" They both continued their conversation as they walked away.

Squalo shook his head in awe of how hopeless they were without him.

"So...are you ever gonna tell us why you were out?" Lussuria asked with one hand on his hip.

"Are you ever gonna tell me what happened here while I was gone?" Squalo countered.

Lussuria put his free hand on his chin and stroked it thoughtfully.  
>"Hmmm...well, I wasn't here the whole time but I have reports, and in order to protect the innocent, namely me, from harm...probably not. Seriously, if those guys ever found out I'd told you about the events that unfolded here...I'd have to resign from the Varia and go live in Australia."<p>

Squalo snorted. That alone was enough to make him laugh.

"Well, looks like you'll never know then."

Lussuria sighed and shrugged,

"It was worth a shot." He said chirpily as he too started walking.

Squalo stood there and chuckled. _Looks like this is just one more thing I'll keep to myself._

His moment of serenity was broken as he heard a familiar holler from a distant room.

"SQUALLLOOOO!" Squalo rolled his eyes and headed off into the depths of the mansion.

...

"And that's my report." Lussuria said, taking a deep breath after that long retelling. The ninth sat with his fingers linked together in front of him. He smiled.  
>"So Squalo got his mini-vacation?"<p>

"It would certainly seem that way." Lussuria replied gaily.

"You've certainly put a lot of detail in it."  
>"Well, I may've gotten Squalo to co-operate with me on this. It's funny how reasonable he can be sometimes!"<p>

The ninth thanked Lussuria and put the files into a manila folder, which in turn went into a filing cabinet, which in turn was in a vault in the ninth's office. On the label inside the cabinet it said...

THE SUPERBI SQUALO CASE FILES

...

And...I'm sad to say that this is the end. ;n;

Thank you to anyone that read this (rather short) fanfic. I appreciate it!

I'll upload more Superbi Squalo Case Files later, if there's anyone interested in seeing more 'behind-the-scenes' type stuff like this. XD Or if I happen to come up with an idea that I just can't contain.

Either way, this hopefully won't be the end.

P.S – I'm beginning a cross-over of One Piece and The Wallflower, just trying to sort out the timelines, but if you like either (or both) of those animes/mangas then hopefully I should be able to upload it soon.


End file.
